Using spiritual principles to form attachments
In the cognitive principle matrix there are six phases of attachment.
Phases 1 to 4 relate to attachment to our primary relationship at a particular time, for example, to your mother or later in life to your partner.
Phases 5 and 6 relate to attachment to your higher spiritual connection.
The role of spiritual principles are firstly, to attach to your primary relationship, and secondly, to attach to your spiritual connection.
The primary relationship can be successful attached at any stage. In this example it occurs at stage 4.
1. Attachment to parent [0-13 years-child] Imperfect attachment
2. Detachment from parent [14-25 years-youth] Dysfunctional detachment
3. Re-attachment to partner [25-35 years] Dysfunctional attachment
4. Correction to Attachment issues [35-45 years] Attachment restored
The spiritual attachment could occur at any stage after you successfully attach to your primary relationship. In the following example, it does not occur until later in life.
5. Detachment from human nature [45-60-years] using spiritual principles
6. Attachment to Spirit [60 years plus] Attachment completed.
Example of attachment-detachment in the primary relationship and the use of spiritual principles to form attachments.
In cognitive principle matrix “Attachment” relates to any influencing person connected to the child using the relationship principles of love, trust, respect, acceptance, commitment and empathy. However, these are never perfect and create dysfunctional behavior on a spectrum between minor and major. This normally causes detachment issues as the child moves through adolescence to adulthood. In adulthood the child with dysfunctional relationship principles will re-attach to a partner who has the same dysfunctional principle, but the opposite way of dealing with it. Examples are:
• Trust: One partner cannot trust the other partner, while the first partner cannot trust themselves.
• Respect: One partner is overly controlling and abusive, while the other partner is overly responsible and compliant.
• Acceptance: One partner is a perfectionist, whilst the other partner is carefree.
This is a natural evolutionary process to strengthen a couple. If the couple work together and accept each others opposites, then they will work through their dysfunctional issues and change their behavior. However, if the dysfunctional issues are not corrected with the partner, they can be corrected during a mid-life crises [35-45 years old]. If they are corrected then, the cycle can continue and the person can detach from their human nature.
There are five spiritual principles which are used at the primary relationship stage, namely:
• Hope is knowing that you will successfully attaché in the relationship, but do not necessarily know how to do it. Hope takes the place of goals when they become blocked due to frustration, etc, or when the pathway to the goal is lost.
• Forgiveness is being able to forgive either yourself or your relationship person. Forgiveness is the ability to split the person from their behavior and forgive the person, while letting God, karma or whatever else you believe in, judge their behavior.
• Peace is being able to sit with negative principles of fear, anger, anxiousness, guilt and accept those by not reacting to those.
• Suffering follows peace, when you sit with your negative principles and then grow influencing principles such as courage, assertiveness, patience, persistence and self-control, rather than blame yourself, somebody else or life’s circumstances.
• Giving is where you give trust, respect, acceptance and commitment to your relationship partner. Here you use rules, boundaries and consequences which are agreed and acted upon.
After successful attaching to your relationship partner, you can then detach from your human nature ego driven by fear and greed, which is based on comparative thinking in four areas of life:
• Materialistically, you want a better house, car, job, etc.
• Relationship, you want better friendships and intimate relationships.
• Ego wise, you want to learn and grow and feel of value when compared to others.
• Spiritually, you want to believe in a power higher than yourself.
The challenge is to give up your comparative thinking of the ego, and give way to your spiritual principles and make the spiritual connection to a higher power.
The four spiritual principles to use are, hope, unconditional acceptance, unconditional giving and love.
However, it is difficult to use these spiritual principles successfully, if the first five spiritual principles were not successfully developed in the relationship attachment stage.
• Hope. Here hope develops into knowing the outcome before it happens. It feels like the goal has already been achieved. It is like the ultimate confidence in the outcome. It is called optimum flow, where you perceive to have transcended time. That is, time passed so quickly that you didn’t realise that it had passed. The same experience is when you are in the meditative state of “now” where it feels like there is no past or future time.
• Unconditional acceptance. When you pass through the state of hope you can unconditionally accept anything. You no longer need rules, boundaries and consequences to feel safe. You have transcended your fear.
• Unconditional giving. Once fear has gone, you can give unconditional love, trust and respect and transcend your greed of wanting something back.
• Love. You now love life and feel as though you are one with life because you have transcended your human nature as defined by your ego.